Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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