Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
