Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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