Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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