the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
