His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
