sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
