: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
