I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Randomize
