You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
