it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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