put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
