i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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