The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
