I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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