we're chasing vodka with high fives
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
