How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
