when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
