i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
