Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
