wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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