its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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