I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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