So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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