how can u be prego again
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
