How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
