she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
