i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
