and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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