I think i peed on brittanys purse
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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