HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize