Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
