So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
