hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Randomize
