We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
