I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
