I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
