I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
