Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
