When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
