I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
