john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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