I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
