Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
