I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
