Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
