I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i wish my penis had a tongue
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
