Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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