she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
