haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
did you just send me my own nude
Is Oprah even human
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
