3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
