Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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