I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
