How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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