That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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