in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
now i know why i became what i already was.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
