Your face is a jimmy john
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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