Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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