Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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