i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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