so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I touched a dick in church today
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
