Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
