I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
