i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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