Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
