Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
