I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
