I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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