I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
