white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Who died my cat blue again?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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