I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
