this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
