I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
