either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
