I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
