I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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