You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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