playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
