he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize