He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
