I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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